Even the best relationships have conflict. But the trick to long-lasting and stable love is knowing how to battle it out in a healthy way.
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From my experience working with couples, some consistent themes seem to run through the work. This outline includes touch points that continually ring true. This simple guide will hopefully stimulate better communication and be used to direct you toward more positive discussions. Please also take a moment to read The 5 Steps to Conflict Resolution (Guide for Couples), featured in my new book.
Conflict Styles to avoid:
(From: John Gottman, The Seven Principles for A Happy Marriage).
Some Basics
- Listen to your partner, try to understand the way they see the situation before you make any assumptions or take anything personally.
- There are no good guys or bad guys in relationships. There are good reasons why we behave as we do. The key to a better relationship is to find and understand those reasons.
- Empathy, compassion, understanding and respect are the cornerstones of all positive interactions.
- The goal is to create a secure connection so that your relationship is a safe haven, where both of you feel accepted, understood and comforted by one another.
- When in doubt be sure to check out what you think is being said. Be willing to repeat it back if necessary.
- Learn to process conflicts by softening negative feelings through affirmations. “I really want to make this work, and I love you, let’s find a way to come together here.” Soothing words are a good way to end a conflict.
- Remember the 50/50 rule: You are equally responsible for the difficulties or conflicts you are currently experiencing.
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Be sure to also read Dr. Cloke’s 10 ‘Ifs’ For a Healthy, Happy Relationship
Originally appeared at Dr. Cloke’s website
Photo: Flickr/Benurs – Learning and learning..
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